Still I have problems but then again who doesn't. I usually blame them on someone else. Not blaming them specifically but I always knew that THEY were the cause of my unhappiness. Now I realize that the problems are my own fault. I know what they are, I know who or what causes them, and yet I sit back and let them happen. They are my fault. It is my fault for me letting them continue and get so great that they consume my every thought. Mostly the problems consist of me over thinking a situation. I worry too much. I've been told this by many people, but they are usually talking about something completely different then what I worry about. I fear change and yet I dreadfully want it. Change is... deadly. It starts something new but kills off the old. I could start free but is what I had before better then what is new? How would I be able to judge the repercussions for my actions? How can I foresee the stress that comes with each change that I make? I alienate myself. Maybe I don't alienate myself enough. If I just stayed away from the problem will it go away with time? On the other hand if I ignore it will I get the same effect? The only true answer that I have is that if I confront my problems and cause change they will only bring hatred, tears, self pity, and a sense of control. The only feeling of that list that I would exhibit would be the sense of control since I was the one who brought it about. I guess power would follow. I fear power. I fear that with power comes responsibility. If I had power would people follow me? I am the follower. I hate to lead. I wish there was no leading but that when I went somewhere people would go with me. I don't want to lead them anywhere. I defiantly don't want to be led somewhere. Wouldn't it be great to just be able to "go".